Rossan....it sounds to me like your daughter feels she is in love with this boy she is messing around with and doesn't want anyone to interfer with that and by your lack of acceptance you have become the perfect target for her anger. She wants your love and she wants your accpetance and for you disapprove of the language or behavior she probably is feeling the need to defend herself. We had 5 children, 3 of which were girls. Girls are quite naive in some ways when it comes to male hormones and while parents want to protect their daughters from boys we feel just want a good time, girls have to learn too. What you find as unacceptable at 16 probably isn't going to stop because you don't like the behavior, she is trying to find who she is. As long s she is not hurting herself physically or she isn't strung out on drugs and doesn't need professional help you might try being more of a support if possible. Last I knew, the average teenage girl was having sex by the age of 15, and boys 17. I had my girls on birth control by the age of 16. I didn't let them run wild, we talked about all the dangers. We tried to welcome each boyfriend and let our children know that we wanted to be a part of the lives of those they wanted to date. Living with a friend is not a good idea. Another child's parents cannot give her the type of dirction she needs from you.

Annette

Stargate.....your daughter sounds much like my oldest. I'll save you the story but she did what yours has. I have been blamed and accused of all kinds of things I never did to her. She told my grandparents and parents, and anyone that would listen how I abused her. My family set her straight and told her that if anyone loved her, it was me and that I gave her all I could. It was her father that walked out of her life and abandoned her but she sees the sun rise and fall with her dad who really was her abuser. I am not sure how children get things so mixed up in their heads but I know how painful it is to go thru these situations. My oldest has 3 chidlren that she completely neglects. She has been married twice, had an affair, and is now caught up in a text messaging affair with an old friend from highschool, she is 29 years old and still playing her old games. I have had to slowly and painly seperate myself from my daughter and her kids. I visit rarely now and I know that probably sending the very message she has been claiming for years, "that I don't care," but I hope one day reality will hit her and she will get her wake-up call. Until I stay a safe distance and have my boundaries set, I have burned by her too many times to trust her again. Good luck!

Annette

Jen,

I understand your hurt believe me. Please don't let your child have control over your emotions. Do you belong to a church or social organization? If not...join. Sounds like you need positive people in your life. Remember...no matter what..that grandbaby is your grandchild. Love him/her the best you can with what you have.

Hang in there SweetJane... It does get easier.. I think most of us have been at that point where we just wanted the pain to stop so bad we considered death as the only alternative. But it's not..
You know, I didn't have a good relationship with my mother at all (it's improved the last 4 years), but if I had ever realized that she was hurting so bad from my behavior that she wanted to die, I think I would have felt absolutely horrible. Why is it these daughters we are all writing about don't seem to realize, or care, how much incredible pain they are inflicting on their own moms? They don't deserve that kind of power over us!!! They really don't...
Keep praying Jane... Keep the faith.
Karen

inneedofpeace......your story is so similar to mine. Your advice is on point! Thank you so much!

Is itpossible for a daughter to be jealous of her mother? After this second bought eith my daughter, my girlfriend says it sounds like your daughter is jealous of you. She is SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL but the most insecure young woman I have ever met. I contribute this her father although he lives here in the city 30 min away, he chooses not to have anything to do with her because he is a Jehovah's Wittness and she is not. He told my daughter this when she was ONLY 14 years old. Although my current husband,her step-father for 10 years is good to her,she still craves her father. Although I have OVER-COMPENSATED because of this, I think I ruined her. She has turned all her anger toward me. She is mad at me because I'm 40 years old,healthy,with a loving husband and she has to work and I don't. She brings this up over and over again. She makes comments on how my body is perfect and she wishes she looked like that. Mind you, this girl is PERFECT! It hurts me that she says she doesn't like me and is evious of my life. I don't get it! But I have to go on. Because I can't fix that! Mothers and Fathers if you did your best, go on with your life! I AM! And I will not let her use ANYTHING including future grandkids against me....this is ABUSE!!! Abuse comes in many forms. Unfortunately, we are in a generation where now the kids are abusing parents!

I just keep reading my bible and praying I must fight to get out of the box of depression and live my life......i must know that this too will pass and i will be ok and give my worries and fears to the lord! I will move on.........with my life thanks to everyone reading your comments has helped me alot and i know i am not alone!

My daugher also hates me and uses other people to hurt me - lets look at the theory that it is your mother's fault - does your mother degrade you in front of others, does she socialize in your age group,
does she try to fit in using the language of today's children - if so then it there is definetely a problem with your relationship with your mother and your children - do not let your mother in your houe